I’ve never bought anything from the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog so I have no idea why they send it to me. For 167 years, these people have been selling some pretty useless toys to rich people. Here are some things I won’t be buying.
–Above, the 16-Foot Inflatable Christmas Vader ($399.95). With a candy cane lightsaber. If that’s too much money for you, try the Darth Vader Toaster ($49.95). It prints the Star Wars logo on your toast.
–The Thomas Kinkade Crystal Music Box ($99.95). Unspeakably tacky.
–The Unsinkable Remote Controlled RMS Titanic. ($299.95). This toy boat is nearly three feet long.
–The Oenophile’s Wine Cellar Management System ($4,000). It has a 350,000-bottle database!
–The Indoor Flameless Marshmallow Roaster ($69.95). Even as a kid I despised marshmallows.
–And finally, the King of Rock Jukebox. ($9,000). It has a 100-CD changer, a 2,000 watt amplifier, and weighs 310 pounds.