Happy Holiday Humor: Rejected Book Titles

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From my connections in the book publishing industry, I have learned some new, shocking facts. Acquisition editors are no longer reading book proposals or manuscripts from authors, and they can’t depend on judging a book by its cover because the covers have not yet been designed. So they’re depending on book titles to make their decisions on whether or not to acquire a book for publication. But authors are notorious for thinking up poor titles, and their entire book projects are being rejected on the sole basis of a bad title. Below are some of the rejected titles, organized by genre.

Food and Cooking
Spruce It Up: The Conifer Cookbook
Have a Food Orgy Christmas
First Served: Tasty Appetizers for Jurists

Medicine and Health
The Myth of Mental Health
Does This Smell Like It’s Festering?
Be You Own Therapist
Placebos, the Hidden Cures

House and Home
Hearth Attack: The Scourge of Deadly Fireplaces
No Limit: When Over-Decorating is Not Enough
The Modern Privy: Designer Outdoor Toilets Are the Latest Fad

Human Behavior
Be Your Own Proud Slut
Mastering the Art of Whining
Turn B.O. Into a Powerful Attractant

Animals and Pets
The Cry of the Dying Goose
Killer Dogs: A Breeder’s Guide
Teach Your Parrot Latin